when emotions running high

I am officially emotionally unstable.

yes. Back to 2009 I was a person with sensitive emotions. Everything turned out sour/bitter/awful. 

Today, it seems like my life had completed the emotions cycle when again I have to face the same feeling.

I feel dreadful.

I feel unhappy.

I feel stupid.

I feel dead inside.

I don’t feel good about myself. I can’t feel the sweet-ness in my life. Hell isn’t it? However, somehow I’m not really surprise with this bitter life. It is expected since my odd years are always being my terrible years.

It does always be that way since I was born I guess.

I think my odd years had been cursed.

Sigh.

Dear 2013, can’t you compromise with me a bit please? I need a lil bit of sugar for this year. A lil bit are just good enough. I want to treasure this year happily. Not emotionally.

Please be good to me.

I beg. 

Samarinda

sedang aku menunggu mesin waktu menyanyi riang menandakan waktu pulang telah tiba, aku melayari laman sesawang kegemaranku FORUM CARI

aku membaca benang mengenai isu di UUM lalu aku terpaut dengan satu laman sesawang yang telah dipautkan oleh salah seorang panel forum di situ. aku menekan pautan tersebut lalu membaca isi kandungannya. PROVOKASI. itulah yang dapat aku nilaikan melalui pembacaan kasar aku. namun kemudian, mata aku tertangkap satu komen oleh seseorang yang amat aku kenali.

aku pernah ada sejarah hitam dengan orang tersebut. dia pernah mencaci maki aku, pernah menjatuhkan maruah aku dan pernah memburukkan kan aku ke tahap yang paling hina. kejadian itu 5 tahun yang lepas. api kemarahan di dalam jiwa ini telah lama terpadam.

yang aku ingin katakan disini bahawa sikapnya tiada berubah. dia bagaikan tiada belajar melalui pengalaman lalu, waima masih tetap utuh memegang prinsip bongkaknya.

cumanya, kali ini terdapat sedikit perbezaan bilamana "lawannya" juga seorang yang berhati kejam. mengeluarkan kata-kata kasar yang mencerminkan keperibadian yang dangkal. kali ini, buku bertemu ruas. ibu bapanya dan suaminya di perkotak katikkan. dayus, kata lawannya. 

dia, seperti biasa, tatkala mati akal dalam berdebat, cuba membuktikan dirinya hebat dengan menyatakan bahawa dia adalah seorang doktor falsafah. anggapan aku tepat sekali. dia akan meninggi diri dengan lawannya hanya untuk membuktikan bahawa dia adalah lebih bagus dari lawannya walaupun adalah diketahui bahawa dia bukanlah seorang doktor falsafah. 

cara cercaan dia tidak berubah. lima tahun berlalu, dan kebongkakkan dia masih jelas kelihatan dan tidak salah jika aku katakan bahawa sikapnya semakin menjadi-jadi. 

tiada mengapalah, mungkin dia seorang yang menghadapi masalah kurang dengan keyakinan diri. meninggikan kedudukan dirinya sendiri memberi beliau perasaan selamat berada di sekeliling masyarakat.

semoga dia membuka minda dan meruntuhkan rasa bongkak yang ada dalam diri dia. 

LISTEN

Listen have been a very “in” words today. It is clear cut that Ms. Listen is totally a bimbo.

*disclaimer: my statement is solely based on the “Listen Listen Listen” video. It is nothing than my very own personal opinion.

I would love to refer at my previous post on how someone with not so famous degree uplifts herself in public and compare that situation with Ms. Listen.

Obviously it is not too differ between them. Ms. Listen, use her “capacity” to shut the fuck up the outstanding student by took off her microphone. In my opinion, her acted was indecently violated article 10(1) of Federal Constitution.

Article number: 10

(1)Subject to Clauses (2), (3) and (4) -

(a) every citizen has the right to freedom of speech and expression;

(b) all citizens have the right to assemble peaceably and without arms;

(c) all citizens have the right to form associations.

*I quote the article just to enlighten those who are still in the room of darkness. Kindly open your eyes. You will still stay in darkness if you refuse to open your eyes though someone had already switch on the light for you.

In my opinion, she is a kind of person who is full ego and arrogant when she refuse to LISTEN and take into account the outstanding student’s opinion just because she is still a student while she had successfully obtain her degree.

Up to now, I am still wondering from which university was she graduated and in what major and minor, because she has no respected attitude at all.

Somehow I think she was acted so arrogant because the outstanding student was only wearing very simple clothing, while she was in her suit yet the outstanding student points and arguments were great and she may know nothing about all the facts.

Thus, the only way to shut the student was by pull off the microphone and shameful her with her disrespect and barbaric attitude.

Ms. Listen, I bet you are wise enough to answer the question intelligently but it is so disappointed that you choose to talk about animal’s problem. Is that your IQ level? UUM, you choose a bimbo speaker.

On the other hand, the person I talked about who love to uplift herself is slightly better than Ms.Listen. Well at least even though she always highlighted on her education level, her point of view is a good one. She talks fact. But when someone disagrees with her point of view she suddenly become bimbo and attacks the person personality. 

Honestly, that’s not the way of having open discussion. Everyone have their point of view and you must at all times accept and evaluate others point of view to widen up your mind and thoughts. Somehow I think maybe she thinks she is smart enough that no one knows more than her.. pfttt. Well, again, we can see her IQ level at her boiling points.

You’re not losing anything by respect others, instead you earn one.

**SRK once said that we may judge a person attitude by looking at the way he/she treating their inferior.

Trust me peeps.....

I was reading some online material just now when I bump into this comment.

“….bla bla bla bla… when suddenly….. i frm this  [isolated university] with a minor in [something might be related to this topic] ..so i do knw wht im talking abt..”

**The name of university and the minor degree has been removed to avoid dramas.

Honestly I do agree with her point of view but it’s a lil bit turn off there when the person enlighten about her edu level. Peeps….. who cares. Do you think people will listen to you when  they know about your qualification?

If you think they do, you may have the wrong thought. This is not a first time I read this kind of comment. It is irritating and annoying at so many levels. Sometimes they may wrote like “dude.. I’m a first class honour degree. You should trust me… “ or “heyyy… I’m a master degree grad. I must have know more than you.” sighhh. Grades are nothing. I don’t believe in grades. The way this fella talk is more like “dude.. trust me. I’m an engineer.”

In my opinion, being humble is so much better. People don’t bother about your edu level. What they care are your opinion. Even if you don’t state your edu level, if your comment are good and wise enough people will agree with you and maybe you able to change somebody stand or opinion.

Honestly peeps…. You don’t have to uplift yourself too much in public. Your brain will eventually show your IQ level.

Trust me; I’m a law graduate (LL.B) (LoL)

Goal

Tenth Day of January of the Year Twenty Thirteen.

Today my thoughts bring me such a serious life dilemma. Still unable to discover what I actually want in this life, what I’m looking for and what is my role here on this earth. Everything seems blurry. I myself can’t tell what I’m searching for in my life. All I know is I want a happy life. Honestly I can’t handle bullshit. I can’t tolerate with bossy people who talks like they know everything and take my opinion for granted.

My inner thoughts wish me to have a stable, simple happy life. I fucking hate dramas. I fucking hate problems that suffocate my happiness. That kills my peaceful ambiances.

I’m kind of person who will avoid commotion at all stage. I’m not a fighter, I’m a peaceful fella. Maybe this is my weakness. I tend to let people cross over my will. I always sacrifice my wish, to fulfill others wishes. Maybe this is the reason why I can’t figure out my life goal. I’m too busy helping others to achieve their goal and at the same time, I abandoned my goal.

2013 started not so well. Financial problem hits right on my pocket. I hope it’s only for January. Thinking about my goal, I have this one goal that I highly hope I can achieve. Hopefully I manage to save some money.

My brother once said that I shall not rely too much on my parents when I need money. I should have saving money. I should learn how to manage my salary. Well bro, I’m still in a learning process and honestly it is not that easy.

My wish is to be someone with objective. To be someone who will do anything to fulfill her wishes.

Wish me luck.

Adios.

kutu babi

hari ni telinga aku bengkak. kawan aku suspek kena gigit kutu babi. tapiiiiiiiiiii  kutu babi cam ne pn aku tak penah tauuu... first timeeee... well everything has its first time like my first job, my first kiss, my first court proceeding, and my first pimples...

but.... this is freaking pain okaiii...... my ear swollen and i barely move my neck, i had terrible headache and  my left hand felt so weak and i feel so weak... having fever maybe.

since this in my first time encounter kutu babi's attack, I'd google the word kutu babi, and rupanya memang ramai orang penah kena gigit dengan kutu babi nii... haihhhh.. babi punya kutu babi.... kenapa iols perlu diseksa sebegini rupaaaaaaaaaa??? apakah kesalahan iolsss??

anyway... i cant even have a good sleep yesterday. my neck is fucking painnnn... and when i woke up this morning, i think my face is swollen too... damn laaa.... honestly i have no idea what to do. shall i go to a doctor for a treatment or should i just let the pain get better in time. sighhh...

what a new year rightt...

2013

second day of the year twenty thirteen. 

Here i am sit down in front of my PC thinking what will this year brings me. I do really looking forward to a joyful life. i mean a simple joyful life. no dramas. no stress. no idiotic nor eccentric life. 

deep in my heart, my new year resolution is to able doing anything i want without having money and time constraint. i will surely manage my financial and time schedule to ensure that i achieve my goals.

 well, i hope i able to achieve those:- 

1. saving money.

2. 3 days 2 night stay at Awanmulan

3. A 10 days trip to Mabul Island

4. 4 days 3 nights stay at Rebak Island, Langkawi

well,apparently my  goal is to make my twenty thirteen as my vacation year :)