Sunday, August 16, 2009

losing someone

Date - 13th August 2009
Time - 8:53:50 a.m
Place - Contigency lab

i got a phone call from unknown number. i didnt recognized the number, then i checked it back. yeap.that's my grandma's house number. i feel uneasy with the phone call. so i decided to call it back. the maid picked up the phone.while talking with the maid, i heard from back my mom's voice "mak da meninggal." i really crying like hell. then my mom take the phone. i really cant talk. my mom said that my grandma just passed away around 8.30.

i decided to go back.then i entered class with tears on my eyes. i told rima what happened and then i told my lecturer that i'm going back.luckily he understand my situation. sue sent me to MC. thanks sue. really appreciate it.

i hate that i fuck up on that day!!!!

- i hate the facts that i choose the wrong bus!

yeap.i choose to take the direct bus thinking that i could reach early.but actually i miss it all! that fucking bus is really make me cry harder!!!i swear that i will never take that bus again!!

- i hate the fact that i missed the important moment.
- i hate that i couldn't kiss my grandma for the last time!
- i hate that i'm the only one that missed the moment!

but at least i'm happy cuz i've done everything that i should do as her grandchild...

during my childhood......

still remember that i always accompany her at her house while she stay alone. sometimes i will took shift with my bro or cousin.

or when she stay at my house, every evening, i need to walk with her back to her house. i need to hold her hand cuz she cant walk on her owned.

then, during night, if no one there, i will stay overnight there. i still remember how annoying my old grandmama can be when she called me every ten minutes to ask whether i have swithed off the lights or not.

sometimes, we even argued when i wanted to watch american next top model while she wanted to watch the berita dunia.haha.

but how nice she can be when there's one night, her maid suddenly scream, cuz she saw "something". and me sleeping alone at another room. but i can hear my grandma whispering to her maid "jangan jerit2.nanti cucu aku bangun dia takut. diam." i feel so touch with her act. i know she love me.hehe.

after i entered mmu..

everytime i'm going back to KK sure i will visit her. and everytime i visited her, she will shout happily "o0o0o0o adek noorrrrr...cucu aku datang!kamu sehat ka?" then goes her story that i heard it about countless time. =D then when i'm going back she will say jaga diri baik2 naaa..kamu nanti nak jadi loyakaan.nanti da jadi loya kamu bagi duit kat pah sikit naaa."kamu selaaaaaamaaattt pergi kamu selaaaaaaaaaamaaattt balik."

sadly, she dont have that chance to see me as a loya~

last mid term break..

she didnt recognized me at all. she suffered brain stroke. pity her. but still at the same time, her act make me laugh. =D

i even buying her medicine and some foods..all the foods left untouch.

today...

i really feel empty. went i'm going to her house yesterday. everything seems incomplete. no grandma's voice..

all the memories remains. her voice, her eyes, her laugh, her touch..

*thanks to Pah for taking care of me too during my baby time.hehe


may u rest in pieces pah tersayang Kalsum Bibi binti Ibrahim Ghani


pah duduk berbaju purple.

Pergi Tak Kembali by Rabbani

Setiap insan pasti merasa
Saat perpisahan terakhir
Dunia yang fana akan ditinggalkan
Hanya amalan yang dibawa

Terdengar sayup surah dibaca
Sayunya alunan suara
Cemas di dada...lemah tak bermaya
Terbuka hijab di depan mata

Selamat tinggal pada semua
Berpisahlah kita selamanya
Kita tak sama nasib di sana
Baikkah atau sebaliknya

Amalan dan takwa jadi bekalan
Sejahtera bahagia pulang...ke sana

Sekujur badan berselimut putih
Rebah bersemadi sendiri
Mengharap kasih anak dan isteri
Apa mungkin pahala dikirim

Terbaring sempit seluas pusara
Soal-bicara terus bermula
Sesal dan insaf tak berguna lagi
Hancurlah jasad dimamah bumi

Berpisah sudah segalanya
Yang tinggal hanyalah kenangan
Diiring doa dan air mata
Yang pergi takkan kembali lagi




6 comments:

misyaain said...

miss u so much pah..cam ne la raye taun nih ek

aku ♥ musik said...

ntah...mesti kosong..

akai tsuki said...

waaa...sgt sedih la..
serious rase cam nk nanges..
mgigtkn aku kt nani aku...
n also reminding me that i should always treat her well..
sgt mginsafkn..

aku ♥ musik said...

jagalaaah dia sebaiknyaaa, sayangilaah dia sebaiknya sebelum dia pergi tak kembali..sob..sob..

Durian said...

sedeynya aku baca ='( im glad hang buat semua hang buat tu tyme opah hang hidup lagi..baguih shap, ang cucu yang baik : ) al fatihah

aku ♥ musik said...

heee..i'm glad too...kalo bukan aku sapa laa lagi..aku la cucu paling dekat.hehe.